What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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