I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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