I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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