I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
