lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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