The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
