The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize