Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
