my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
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he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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