She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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