The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
