is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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