I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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