She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
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In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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