you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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