How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
