Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
