He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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