3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
