If i come over, it means nothing
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
