What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
