so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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