im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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