You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
