Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
