my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
