i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
