just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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