My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
love makes seman taste better
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
