South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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