My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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