...so i touched it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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