? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My life is pants optional.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
