I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
