I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
