Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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