hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
