Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
