Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
