I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
