I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
