brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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