I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
