Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
