Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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