I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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