You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
