you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
