We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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