ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
