Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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