She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize