i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
