I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
