Sry I called you an 8
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
