you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
