We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
