the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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