I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I need a burrito and a hug.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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