Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
