I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
