I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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