Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
