Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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