you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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