Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
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Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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