from now on my penis is your penis
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize