I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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