glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
