Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
