i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
