its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
