so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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