Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
