My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
