he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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