I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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