You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
