Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
