Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
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I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it