Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder