He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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