my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.