Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.