apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.