dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF