That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why