plz talk dirty to me
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful